Series Watching

• Looks like Mars is dating Tuxedo Mask Darien today. Wuh oh!
• Mars and Mercury are at a park talking about boats on the lake. Absolutely thrilling. ‘Mr Baxter’ appears. Is he related to one of them? idk.
• He’s upset, because a company is going to bulldoze the whole park in a week. That’s very efficient demolition work.
• Luna nearly gets knocked over by a car. Darien saves the day (surprise…). Serena appears. Apparently Darien and Andrew know each other. When is the story going to kick in?
• Oh, now. Neflite is in his weird little house. His voice seems different. He’s blabbering on about the moon and stars and his next victim. Dude is so preachy!
• Anyway, apparently the human who is reaching his full potential of energy is the elderly man from before, Mr Baxter! You know, the guy who was bummed out about the park. Well, his energy is at it’s peak. Makes. No. Sense.
• Boom, shot of the Sailor V game.
• Andrew tells Mars how he knows Darien. Man, I’m bored.
• We’re in the park. Baxter is pissy again. Neflite comes up dressed as a dandy gentleman. He puts a curse on Baxter that makes him go BAT SHIT CRAZY. Butterflies are everywhere. Lights are blowing out. Shit is off the hook. I’d show you, but the video is pixelating. EVERYTHING IS DYING!
• Mars bumps into Darien. He’s using all the charm. OH LOL. It wasn’t real. She imagined it. Serena and Luna approach, keeping watch. Rae falls over in front of Darien and he steps on her head. Darien is big into karate. He says he’s supposed to meet someone. Rae asks D-bag out.
• They’re not eating, they’re having coffee. Bad move. But who am I to judge? I’m terrible at this sort of thing to.
• Speaking about my lack of social skills, here’s Melvin!

I’d just like to take a short break to tell you how boring this episode is. Honestly, don’t watch it. It isn’t even funny.

• Amy is walking through the park. A guy drops a cigarette. The episode just got awesome because a squirrel notices the dropped fag-end and sets upon him. LEET! The squirrels have now turned on Amy and Luna. wuuuhh oh.
• Darien and Rae are in the boat. They’re bummed about the park getting destroyed. Darien says he’d love to go see the roses before it’s too late. Is that his game? Say that sorta shit to get with Rae? I mean, can’t blame a guy but, weak man, weak…
• Amy and Luna meet with Serena. Baxter shouts at them, collapses, and what looks like Poison Ivy hops out of his body. Gotta say, Neflite’s tricks do make Jedite’s look Jed-shite! HA HA.
• Darien is having a major headache on the boat. It capsizes. They die.
• Nope. They’re fine. Now Sailor Moon is getting pwned, as is Mercury. Mars comes to the rescue. Fire beats grass and all that. All looks bleak. Tuxedo Mask turns up. Yadda yadda yadda.

Hey, look! the video is okay again.

• after the fight, Melvin spills the beans that he’s been on a date with Serena. YAWN.
• Sailor says: save da earth.

DO NOT WATCH THIS BORING EPISODE Y’ALL!

• A tennis themed episode. Yep.
• When exactly does Sailor Venus show up? I’m eleven episodes in and all I’ve seen is posters and stuff. I can’t be bothered checking. I’ll let it be a little surprise along the way.
• “Jedite failed because he tried to collect energy from too many people at once. HA HA HA HA HA HA”. If this constitutes as a joke in the Negaverse, they’ll love this blog.
• Neflite is wearing earrings. Huh. Was he a girl in the Japanese version?
• He is bragging about something to do with humans being governed by stars.
• Zoycite shows up, floating like a hot bitch in the sky. Now she definitely was a dude in the Japanese version. Which makes me feel weird.
• Zoycite is basically the voice of the viewers, telling Neflite he’s gonna fail. He will.
• Maaaaann he’s still talking about stars. He asks Sagittarius to identify the person whose energy is at it’s peak. Luckily, out of the 7 billion people on planet Earth, he is shown Kate, a tennis player who lives in Japan near the Sailor Scouts. Horse. Shit.
• 
• These guys are loving it.
• Neflite drives up to the gate in a red sports car. He somersaults over the friggin fence and starts telling Katie how to play tennis.
• “My name is Maxfield Stanton, I’m a tennis coach”. Neflite’s disguises are actually worse than Sailor Moon’s.
• Katie is over-come with EVIL when Neflite puts a curse on her racket. Yep.
• Luna has an almost embarrassing conversation with that computer from a few episodes ago. It tells her basically nothing new. Like, why waste a good cat’s time? She knows they’re collecting energy! She knows it’s for an ‘evil purpose’. OY VEY READERS, OY VEY.
• What has my life become? Arguing about the merits of a cartoon cat receiving information?
• Luna tells the girls they need to train to beat the baddies. Serena suggests tennis lessons.
• Katie is being evil and pwning everyone in tennis.
• Katie’s friend is very worried. There’s some bullshit montage of them growing up. This is really worrying. Serena hasn’t cottoned on yet, and to be fair, why would she? Making a girl good at tennis is an absolutely terrible idea. Where is the danger!?
• ‘I’m getting a bad feeling. Could it be something from the Negaverse?’. No Serena, that’s womanhood kicking in.
• I’m not warranted to make such a joke, sorry. Anyway, Katie is being a real bitch. Now her racket is expelling energy against Serena who went to talk to her. Neflite activates something…Ziggy Stardust appears!

“There’s a starmaaaaaannnn”

• The monster turns Sailor Moon into a giant tennis ball. You read that right.
• WOAAAHHHH SHIT! TUXEDO MASK IS HERE! GAME ON!
• He twirls his cane and stuff. They keep fighting. Tuxedo Mask asks Sailor Moon if they should ‘finish her off together’. But now Tuxedo Mask’s diabetes is kicking in and he’s weak. Sailor Moon throws her tiara. GAME SET AND MATCH LOL.
• Everything is cool with the world again.
• Sailor Says: Tell the truth. Stand up for people. Do your homework. Be brave. yadda yadda yadda.

• As is natural in the process of re-watching a series you’ve been distant from for some time, you’re bound to start remembering a few things along the way. With the title ‘Fight to the Finish’, and Jedite being chased by planes in the god damn opening of the show, I pretty much think my homie J dies this episode. I’ll try to go easy on him this time.
• Fighting evil by mooooonliiiighhhhttttttt……
• “This is your last chance Jedite”. Beryl has said that a lot. Note, Jedite won;t die if he fails, it will be ‘eternal sleep’. Sleep forever as a punishment? Sounds good to me!
• HOLY SHIT! Jedite is no bullshitting now, he’s appearing in the sky! This is cool as hell.
• “Ha, that was only an illusion!” No. Way. Really?
• Amy is a total buzzkill with her planning.
• “You’ve been watching way too much science fiction. Get a life”. Yer werds can ‘urt y’know.
• Are those swirls Melvin’s eyes or his glasses?
• Andrew is an asshole. He knows all the lines.
• Right, we’re at the airport after some bullshit relationship stuff. Let’s get fighting!
• Jedite made the tiny police task-force fall asleep. Will he use the effective tactics on the Sailor Scouts? DOUBTFUL
• Now the police are hypnotized and after the girls. Did I miss something!?
• Time for the transformation shots. This will take approx. half the episode.
• WOAH. The policemen are made out of mud. I didn’t see that coming.
• No„ like, I really didn’t!
• JEDITE TIME! C’MON! GET ‘EM!
• The scouts, after some brief arguing, are being chased by planes. Hey, the opening spoilt this for me!
• You could out-run a jet. Like, it’s manoeuvring is terrible.
• The aeroplanes have stopped, because Tuxedo Mask threw his rose down like a boss.
• They dive into the water. Jedite survives. Can’t beat up three idiot girls, but he can fly and swim.
• MERCURY BUBBLE BLAST!…..now it’s foggy. That’s it.
• The girls have tricked Jedite into turning the planes on himself :(
• Jedite got crushed by a plane. Sick.
• ETERNAL SLEEP, SWEET PRINCE

• Who the fuck? Neflite?
• The girls are crying about Tuxedo Mask and the fact none of them could give it up to him in life.
• Nope, he’s back.
• How the hell does he fly?
• Sailor Says: Plan to be your personal best. I HEAR DAT.

• Hey, didn’t the Titanic sink like, 100 years ago? How appropriate.
• Jedite is watching the Sailor Moon tv show on his big black ball (could I word that better? Possibly) when Titus turns up, who, if you listen carefully, sounds like Jennifer Coolidge is doing the voice. If this story ends up like American Pie I’m outta here.
• Actually, is it Jennifer Coolidge I’m thinking of? Idk…
• JEDITE SCHEMING TIME is now LISTENING TO TITUS BECAUSE ALL HIS OTHER PLANS ARE SHIT TIME
• I can relate to Melvin.
• Serena and her annoying ginger mate find out about this amazing cruise ship contest and run to try and win tickets.
• Sailor Mars just used her powers to cheat. Great lesson. Serena is going to fob off her other friend who actually wanted to go on it and go with-
• Nope. She’s taking Amy. She’s very enthusiastic about it all…
• Serena is going to disguise herself as “a sporty-looking photographer” to sneak on-board for personal gain. Morals/sense are out the window on this one.
• That HAS to be Jennifer Coolidge…
• “Now I know what they mean by ‘ship of fools’”. GOOD ONE JEDITE.
• Mars and Mercury have got a weird vibe going on. I’ll let you make your own mind up on that one but, just, watch…
• Jedite is going to totally get it in this episode. Awwww yeaaahhh.
• “Romantic energy”? Are you fucking kidding me? Where is the limit on this stuff?
• Sailor Mars just ate 7 pork chops. A girl after my own heart, a heart that will surely kill me for eating only meat one day.
• So in order to maximise romantic energy, Titus turns on a disco ball, because, y’know, it’s 1974…
• These bad guys are freaky as fuck!

• Mars and Mercury are trying to pwn them, so Serena finally pulls her thumb out and we get the 5 minute transform. The others would be dead by now.
• “Yeah yeah, we’ve heard all that before” - Line of the episode
• Titus goes after Serena. We’re on a boat remember, just in case you think Tuxedo Mask will appear…
• You hear her scream when she gets burned. That’s pretty sick.
• Wow, I feel sorry for Jedite. He didn’t even really have an excuse. Time for a career change. He’d make a good captain…?
• Holy fuck, TUXEDO MASK DIDN’T SHOW UP! Yippee.
• The end bit this episode was about not settling for abuse in a relationship. Good message. Also, don’t leave your pet cat in a sealed box with no holes. They will die. Hey, where was Luna at the end…?

• I’m eight episodes in and it has really started to bug me how they give away the conclusion of the episode in the intro. Serena tells everyone that Tuxedo Mask saves them in the end. I mean, I’m sure kids aren’t stupid. They know what’s coming. They know that little bastard Darien will swoop in to save the day in the end, but I’d rather be kept guessing.
• Last time I watched this episode I was a kid, and I’m pretty sure I fell for it too. Anyway…
• Going by the theme music, Sailor Moon is a really great friend. I hope I can be a friend to others like she is…
• Hang on. It just started with Serena causing an argument. Huh.
• Oh god, not a theme park. I just installed Rollercoaster Tycoon. I’m sick of seeing them! “People are disappearing, it may be the Negaverse”. I’m glad Amy was able to drop this one in there, I think it basically solves the D.B Cooper story. Can’t people just disappear? Like, “Oh, my dog ran away!” “Must be the Negaverse!” No, Fenton just ran away.
• JEDITE SCHEMING TIME! Queen Beryl may be an evil force to be reckoned with, but if your name is Jedite, failure is swept swiftly under the nega-carpet. Turns out he’s the one pulling the strings at the amusement park. I’m starting to feel for the guy, he’s ran out of ideas.
• In disguise (a hat), Jedite’s voice sounds like Tim Curry’s.
• I shit one when that lion spoke.
• All of the animals are fake? So weird. Imagine them just as robots, all stood around Serena. So creepy.
• “Would any of you like cookies and candies as much as you want?”.
• When the mum appears, that made me genuinely chuckle.
• Why is Darien riding this miniature railway…alone?
• Wish I had all those sweets. No way I’d crash like all the party goers.
• The Sailor Scouts are tripping balls. That whole stone-arm sequence was fucking mental. When the robot lady is headless? Frightening.
• Look at that smug horse!

• They get all that way, about to fight her, then do a runner to get Amy. Oh, they want to fight with her. Tuxedo Mask is now nowhere to be found. Are the girls actually going to do it for themselves?! (Spoiler: they do. Teamwork rocks).
• After all that, they’re still arguing. WHAT ARE THEY LIKE EH!?
• ‘Sailor Says’ basically bigged up teamwork. So legit.

• Right, lets see what your plan is this time Jedite. Jesus bro, you gotta step your game up. Considering how evil Queen Beryl is, she tolerates his joke plans a lot.
• The Negaverse is a scary fucking place.
• What exactly is Queen Beryl doing when she’s waving her hands around that crystal ball? Like…what ARE you DOING?
• Disappearing buses is pretty cool. A sorta Bermuda Triangle-type deal? I’m not sure about all these ‘charms’, but I suppose thats just a cultural thing. Pretty cool how they keep exclusive cultural things like faith in the show.
• Jedite isn’t even in a fucking disguise! Its just him! He is the bane of my episode notes.
• So Grandpa has some form of mental illness I see, though if I was that age I’d totally creep on hot girls.
• Not that young though…
• Serena is a total lez for Raye.
• Luna: “His voice sounds familiar”. So does his face!!!
• I see they flipped the image of the bus for the U.S version. I love that they did that, but kept it the original way around in the show’s opening.
• A bus full of passed-out school girls. Don’t tell Grandpa.
• Serena’s disguise this week is “a flight attendant (or something)”. What use is that on a bus? Oh, Luna just pointed that out.
• Sailor Mars’s transformation is pretty bad ass, but that was an easy win.
• How the hell can Mercury’s power keep the portal ope-
• Tuxedo Mask? Driving a bus? Are you fucking kidding me? How the hell do those buses keep traction?
• This episode was so weak that a baby could chew it.

• Jedite is a total failure. Okay, lets see what your new plan is.

“I’m going to speed up time, this will force everyone to rush around (…how?) and expel fuck-loads of energy”

“Wow Jedite, this might be your best plan! What do you calculate your success rate to be?”

“100% Queen Beryl!”

“You’ve failed every single time. I mean, what am I paying you for?”

• To be fair, controlling time is never really used properly. Jedite should just speed up time so quick it kills Amy and Serena. Job done.
• What kid goes out to buy an alarm clock? Days before mobile phones I guess. I did see a FLOPPY DISK in the last episode. Mad crazy…
• LOOK AT THAT CLOCK! That clock is pretty bad ass.
• Sailor Moon’s mum bought it for her. Strange coincidence…
• See, I dig this episode because it showed off Mercury’s position as a good Scout. Like, Serena needed her as she was under that trance from the clock, but why was Amy not affected. Like, can you honestly tell me the brainiest girl in the class doesn’t use an alarm clock? Did everyone in the town buy the same clock? That is totally not hinted at like in that jewellery episode.
• “something strange is going on…it might be the Negaverse”. For real? That’s your first assumption?
• Where has Luna been stashing that computer, and how long?
• Total chaos. Total, total chaos. Although I’ve been on bus rides in London worse than this.
• Everything is sped up bar the girly transformations. Surely even girls think this is lame?
• First there was Van Gogh in the opening titles, now the melting clocks of Dali? Insane art references!
• That boss fight was pretty boring. I liked when Sailor Moon got turned into a kid again. But here he is, Tuxedo fucking Mask again.
• Sailor Says: “It takes less time to do it right, than doing it fast and having to go back and do it again”. Bit long winded for kids but then again I’m 22, so, thanks Serena!

• So this week, we get another bullshit idea from Jedite, although this one, the idea of taking energy from people’s interactions with computers would go over quite well nowadays.
• Shit, is Jedite’s plan working on me right now?
• I dig how Serena is into comic books. In a show targeted at females, its cool to show that comics are for girls too.
• Luna nipping off to chat to that arcade machine…weird. The penny really is starting to drop now.
• “I love tuna fish and field-mouse pudding”. Luna, what kind of password is that?
• Who is operating this computer by the way? No hint at an answer.
• Even if I had never seen this episode before, you see Sailor Mercury in the show’s opening credits. So, I know from the get-go that Amy isn’t going to be part of the Nega-verse. No tension!
• Anyway, I’m going to skip a whole lot of this plot because quite frankly it was boring as shit. I’ve grown up on computers, but that is no substitute to gain my interest in this story. Lets just get to this week’s baddie…
• There is something very Carnage about her, isn’t there? Right now, I’d be totally suspicious of any and all teachers/grown ups. They all seem to be part of the Negaverse. I feel sorry for any hard-working, decent folk moving to Serena’s town, they’ll automatically be lumped into fodder for the Scouts.
• Oh wow…Amy was Sailor Mercury. Her special power is Bubble like a Squirtle. Wait…hang on…how did she freeze the room? And why is Mercury’s power ‘water’? She’s the closest planet to the sun!
• Sailor Says: “Give school a chance, give your future a chance!”. I would not be friends with Amy. Preach your shit elsewhere kid, I’ve got a degree!

A few notes on the Pilot before I begin…

• I’m not the hugest fan of new comedy shows that are taped in front of an audience. My only example for this is How I Met Your Mother. Yes, I’m that one person in the world who just doesn’t like it. I have no interest in the show and detest being around the 97% of the population who not only talk about the show, but cream over it. But that’s just my problem, right? I mean, I quote Alan Partridge, Arrested Development and a ton of other stuff all day long, and it surely must bother people who aren’t into it.
• Oh yeah, so, my point is, any other day I might just skim over this new CBS series, but the fact that all around internet bad-ass lady Molly McAleer is a writer and Kat Dennings will be on screen for my todging viewing pleasure, is enough to at least let me give this show a chance. I’m also always interested in a film or show that explores strong female characters.
• I spoke a little about the pilot episode here, but overall I thought it set the dynamics of the show up enough to interest people to come back for Episode 2. While I’m not so hot on the character of Caroline, I expect there will be a lot of Max’s traits she’s going to pick up along the way, especially as Max is on home-field advantage in her neighbourhood and job.

So, the pilot did enough to make me (and I hope the other 19 million viewers) come back…

• I hope that Han Lee gets featured a little more in some future episodes. I don’t think a show can rely on just two people for its entire run, but right now its early dayz.
• I really love the place that Max babysits at. A totally ridiculous set-up, but you instantly realize what type of mother Peach is, at least from other television stereotypes.
• I hope to hell that horse is either a regular aspect of the show or its written out properly. Nothing annoys me more than something just showing up and no explanation as to why it’s gone the next episode. I whole-heartily believed it would be swept under the carpet after the pilot, but I managed a chuckle when it poked it’s head through.
• The show is two episodes in and is already delivering memorable lines and put-downs (“She’s the last les I’d be in”).
• I really hope Max’s ex-boyfriend disappears. I have so little interest in seeing that develop any further. I enjoyed how by the end of Episode 1, both Max and Caroline were left with each other’s company. Like we’d joined them at a new stage of their lives. I don’t want to see any more of that guy. On t’other hand, I hope somewhere down the line we explore some of Caroline’s family back-story.
• I love the way the show ends with their current money level going up or down. It’s a really cool thing to end on, and you know it’s going to be a complete uphill struggle to get that $250k, but I’m glad I’m along for the ride.

Overall, I guess I enjoyed the first episode more than the second, but I’m still looking forward to next week’s.

• Why is Molly the only character that sounds like she’s from Brooklyn? No consistency.
• I love, LOVE, the letterbox effect on Jedite when he’s being evil. Total bad ass. Again, his disguise leaves a lot to be desired…
• So the song that Molly & Serena sing, its the theme music for the show. So does that theme song exist in their universe, or is that song about someone else? Like, in their universe, is it from another show? So if I became a sort of superhero, would it be okay to be like, Adam? Na na na na na na na na na na na…?
• Cross-dressing. 4 episodes in. Yikes. “I’d like to thank my closest friends…on the internet!”.
• This week’s energy-sucking bad guy is actually pretty cool. I can imagine it being in a movie version when I eventually make it.
• Man…I’m tired of Tuxedo Mask appearing every fight. Sailor Moon isn’t even in the biggest danger, and he just appears.
• I think this episode confirms my suspicion that Simon Cowell works for Queen Beryl. Evil.
• Sailor Says: “Be a star in your own right”. I can get down with that one.

tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?

My mother sitting me and my sister down to view the 1950’s British children’s series ‘Watch With Mother’.

I still stand by the fact that it is one of the best children’s shows ever created. So fun, so innocent, so memorable. It also taught me how to make a paper lantern, which is a life skill, unless marooned on an island. Then you’re going to wish you listened more in the First Aid part of Scouts.

• While I’m fully aware the show’s target demographic was young females, this does not hide the fact that I’m a 22 year old male post-grad who used to run home from primary school each weekday to see this show (among my other daily watches, which also included, in no order, Digimon, Pokemon, X-Men, Spider-Man, Rocko, Rugrats & Sabrina).
• My point being is, from the get go, this episode is clearly aimed exclusively at young girls who need to be reassured that it’s totez okay to be a bit chubby.
• I’m not saying this is a bad thing…I prefer if a girl has a little meat on her bones (don’t have me finishing my meal a half hour before you). I just feel that with the subject matter of the episode, am I going to be a little disconnected from the story?

Anyway.. on to the show…

• It has taken me well over a decade to finally notice the Van Gogh-inspired backdrop in the opening credits. Amazing. Shit like that is lost on an idiot child.
• The whole weight thing is actually being handled quite tactfully and not in a too condensing manner. CBBC & CITV, take note.
• Melvin watches his teacher work out and photographs her. That’s not just ‘weird’, Serena, that’s criminal.
• I used to have an English teacher in college who was so beautiful. If you’re reading this…
• Right, that is obviously Jedite from last week. Sailor Moon is the only show whose disguises are worse than Superman. I’m finding it hard to suspend my belief. Like, c’mon, Darien just appeared with sunglasses blocking his eyes. Serena is still acting like a stuck up brat to him, yet she loves Tuxedo Mask, who obscures his eyes with a mask about the same size. Unbelievable.
• I’m not a fan of cats, but I wish I had one like Luna.
• This episode is pretty light on the ground in way of plot development. Another little hint at Sailor V, but the bad guys got disposed of pretty quickly. Disappointed.
• Sailor Says: ‘Real beauty really does come from inside’. Smells like BS.